The festive season seems like an appropriate time at which to share this excellent piece on group relations by Lily Scherlis in N+1. It is funny, enlightening, and of interest to anyone who has ever spent any time in a group. You can also hear Lily discussing her piece on the Ordinary Unhappiness podcast (subscription required).
Most of us will find ourselves in groups of one kind or another over the coming days. Some of these groups will be constituted mainly of people we have chosen to have in our lives. Some of them will be the groups we were born into. Sometimes, we will find ourselves effortlessly (or not) enacting the role we have been cast in since early life. At other times, we will be conscious of a newer, different role, perhaps one we have deliberately cast ourselves in or taken on. And much of the time, we will be somewhere between the two, struggling to untangle what is ours and what has been thrust upon us. Perhaps it is the cumulative effect of these experiences, intensified by proximity, time, memory, alcohol, societal pressure, or all of the above, that makes January a time when many people choose to embark on therapy — the slow, painstaking, potentially deeply liberating process of disentangling who you are from who other people want, need, or expect you to be.
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